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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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so my back is well, broken. & i want dark hair. yea? no?
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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
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im sleeping quite alot lately, & i find it quite nice cos i cant quite manage to stop dreaming of florida (and saying the word quite, for that matter). yea the end of this month, me and the most radiant person i have ever come to admire will be leaving this glitz & glitter marble orchard of california and romance it up in our own little paradise. & with that pleasant publication, tomorrow is also my last day of school, our cute little date (my treat), & PAYDAY!!!!!!!!!!. so i'd say ive got my best shoes on and im ready to go!
newiconsbtw.
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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
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cos my heart stops everytime, and i might prefer that;
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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
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talking to you was quite radical, and your scent still lingering on this sweatshirt is quite magical. the script;perfection, so brilliant and totally Y-O-U. so today was christmas, and i dont mean to be blunt but...it blew. however i did accomplish turning my head into an albino mess and covering it up with the scarf lizzy gave me. i feel like erika ba ba baduuuu, she was...normal??? k no. um, im going through phases and i dont really get it. alternating, converting, remodeling...its all a way of life really, but phases maim the mind and ultimately fuck you up. and having my witty relatives ask me who gave me the black eye (due to the amount of eyeliner i paint on everyday) wasnt really witty after the 7683 time. im f r a g i l e, but being as fragile as you are strong is beautiful; so im working on that, you know...destination beautiful, my heart going boom boom boom.
 
ijustwantyounearme.
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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
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oh lord, dont shake me down.
huntington beach was beautiful, almost as beautiful as alexis and ben totally humping my legs at chain. apparently alexis and i are the most unfriendly people ever, but thats according to benJAMin so it doesn't count. and for the record, dan made me pee my pants last night.
(i.e.; chinspit: when i was in like 3rd grade we used to call these 3 girls: maggot, faggot, and bob saggot)
merrychristmas. thank you for calling me, and giving me chills<3
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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
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my heart was clutched at LAX & ended up in florida for exactly seven days, complete with pictures of us to show mommy!!!! this is me missing you (already). (cue british accent) & this song playing on repeat isnt helping, either. LA freeways and 2-days-before-christmas-shopping shopping flirt with my tranquility, and thats totally cool. & why does it seem like my notions emerge from the tapestries of voices, lives, & loves that deliver me to an ever-changing intuition? who knows. but my feet are quite dirty as well as the words coming out of my mouth lately. hahah
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Friday, December 19th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:38 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | dntel ft. ben gibbard - the dream of evan and chan. |
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hellogoodbye's winter formal @ chain; T O M O R R O W!!!!!
i miss you already.
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Thursday, December 18th, 2003
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Friday, December 12th, 2003
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i kept your picture just behind the eye - those weeks when our distance grew.
drove north where i found you waiting in des moines - thank god i'm not losing you.
& girl i hope you're not alone - and sleep through this weather
& girl i hope you're whole again - back home we'll sleep better.
p.s. HB;hellogoodbye@chain;killingben t-minus 8 days.
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Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
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| Time: | 6:58 pm. |
| Mood: |  sore. | | Music: | nancy wilson - elevator beat. |
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i cant help but struggle with the universal trials of growing up, finding true, actual love, and letting it all just...go; all within the vivid, urban embrace of los angeles (a city of magicians, movie queens, & love-struck clowns). im just a little girl caught in a grown-up glitz-and-glitter world of superstars and supermodels. i love/hate this town, its so disgustingly beautiful, originally unusual & perfect; but not for me. i need to run away to new york city, sf, anywhere; where i can be myself. MYself. not some barley flesh-and-blood version of the cookie-cutter california girl everyone expected me to be. i cant seem to find myself, be true to my dreams, and believe in what might seem clearly impossible. and i envy those who can inspire teens and adults alike with resounding messages of hope and a transformative power of love, you know? & i want simplicity, as well as elation, to run through my veins and become clever quotes & charming citations that will stick in the minds of e v e r y o n e. confidence is crutial in becoming ideal, so wish me luck in finding some. its all about desire really, in the end.
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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responsibility sucks, or maybe i just do. graduating in t minus 3 weeks and counting, imlikeso e x c i t e d. found relief in a good friend at work who knows where im coming from and doesn't think im crazy, it felt good to have some positive reinforcement and to gain an honest amigooo. how sad that i have nothing to write about because im well, refined. i feel mediocre, my bangs are way too long, & i look like im 12, its sooo cool. i need a good book to get lost in, any ideas?
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Saturday, November 29th, 2003
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| Time: | 9:51 pm. |
| Mood: | crushed. | | Music: | bj - livin on a prayer. |
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fill it out.
01-- When and how did we meet?
02-- What did you first notice about me?
03-- What do you like most about me?
04-- Are we friends?
05-- Have you ever seen me with my shirt off?
06-- Have you ever seen me cry?
07-- Describe me in four words?
08-- If we could spend a day together what would we do?
09-- Have we ever gotten in a fight?
10-- If you could give me a present what would it be?
11-- Would you hug me?
12-- What do you really think of me?
13-- Have we ever kissed?
14-- Has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to?
15-- Wanna make out?
16-- Name one thing you do not like about me:
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Friday, November 28th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  sleepy. | | Music: | copeland - she changes your mind. |
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i love our impossible romance and how we dont care & our inablilty to sleep soundly and dream with ease, & our 1:18 am drives to hollywood in anticipation of discovering the hollywood sign but end up getting lost which ironically is so much better. & how you get nervous when my parents are around and get mad when i call you little & how you'll look @ me at my worst and whisper "god youre beautiful" (just because of a simple hair clip), and how you got angry when i had no idea of your infatuation with me (but who cares you succeeded right?) & and your stupid faces that never fail to make me giggle & our spa nights being covered in ash from the fires & how you make fun of my growling stomach and snoring (which i dont do). & how you push me to succeed and make me go to college & your ridiculous morning routine & our 1 am thanksgiving dinner @ jack in the box (i wouldnt have it anyother way baby) & your screenplays and oddly enough there is a 16yr old catherine in them. & how you get angry cos your bathroom is completely covered in tampons and bobbypins & how i told you i loved you and you said thank you & how you talk to me as if im gonna be around for years to come & how you kiss my forhead look me in the eyes and hold me so tight i can hardly breathe & how you saved our nightly conversations via AOL and remembered "the best parts". & our fights & getting emotional & making up & 2:23 am phonecalls from a drunken you repeatedly mumbling "god damnit catie". & i love how we happened and everything you did to get me to notice you & how i was totally absent-minded and had no idea. & how i'd slip you notes and you saved each and everyone of them. and how i AM going to miami someday and how you ARE meeting my grizzly bear dad and oversized brother one day. and how my mom totally loves you and hardly knows you (cos i speak so highly of you, duh). and our queer-eye obsession & pale blue eyes on repeat as we drift off and you tell me how miserable ud be with out me and how i smile, sigh & whisper ditto. <33
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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
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| Time: | 1:36 am. |
| Mood: | grateful. | | Music: | elliott smith - baby britain. |
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je devine j'ai besoin de vous bébé
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Thursday, November 20th, 2003
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apparently im inhumane, mock the disabled, & make old people cry. what bullshit! bombs over black angus please. im quite offended. what happened to honesty and sincerity? oh right, narcissism is cool these days. and yea transcendence IS attainable, i just need a little knowledge dropped on me, thats all. but time is fleeing and im not quite seeing whats eminent, rupturing notions and a dismembered debutante. wonderful.
god, i love my flip the switch fireplace and WHY OH YEW.
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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:48 am. |
| Mood: |  cynical. | | Music: | rilo kiley - the frug. |
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my hair is well, WHITE!!!!!!!, my eyes are ridiculously black, & im not that basic i swear.
RILO KILEY in January, wudddup.
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Monday, November 17th, 2003
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| Time: | 6:19 pm. |
| Mood: | nerdy. | | Music: | the rapture - out of the races. |
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seeing the rapture on stage is like watching jesus perform miracles, that shit was immaculate.
mikekimmikekim,danceeeeeeedancee dance,benners & alexis making me pee with every word she says. yeah thats right!
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Thursday, November 13th, 2003
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| Time: | 6:29 pm. |
| Mood: | cold. | | Music: | cursive - the radiator hums. |
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im thirsting for optimism, but choking on monstrosity. swallowing my dependence & realizing that yep, im on my own (for sats, college, the so-called "real world"...everything). & well, it would be nice to have a mother to talk to, her absence is reeking havoc on my teenage years. but being lonely is nothing new, H E L L O C A T I E. thank god for electric blankets, almond roca (ahem, alexis), & your kisses; they keep me practical. & yes, smiling feels wonderful. so does getting ludicrous text messages in the middle of the night reading: your eyes still paralyze me, your touch still thrills me. you still can stop my heart, always. aawwwwwwww, yea he's great. work is whatevahhh, im really good @ it, i work 5437 hrs a week, & keep getting raises but i remain preposterously POOR, how is that legit? i dunno, but one thing i do know is death cab with some hot ladies is tomorrow & imlikesoexcited.
as for now, its me, nancy wilson's - elevator beat & "my darling my hamburger".
goodnight<3
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
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fender benders are no fun :(, but dont fret girls the car will be in full working condition come friday. then the rapture on sunday woooo cant wait for this weekend!
my burps are awesome, kings burger does me oh so good, legwarmers and skirts are what im all about, TSHIRTSAREFUN is mighty g a y. and i leave you with me and lex going buckwild with the camera on monday, she is so beautiful (GOD)
   
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material_notion's journal
bouncy.